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Post Wedding Bliss

Two nights ago I had my brother in law’s wedding.  It was beautiful, emotional (he is the youngest) and as usual, long.

We came home at 4am and we did not head to bed but rather, we sat at the kitchen table to nosh…and talk. I always get jealous of newly married couples. The newness, the shyness, the freshness, and the excitement of everything and of course, all the attention – I miss it. I also cannot stop noticing what they have or do and what we did not have or do as newly weds.

Now let me tell you, my newlywed stage was bliss. We got married in my small hometown; the wedding was gorgeous and fun and did not end in the early morning hours, rather at an hour in the evening when we could all still get some sleep.

We spent hours talking in bed that night as did we the next night and the next and the next. We looked at each other sweetly, went on long walks together and visited family like a real good couple. We did not eat at Sheva Brachot but instead, ate cookies late at night when we got home. Yet there is still something that I am jealous of. I have not forgotten and I never will, those first few months. But I do not have the new fresh feeling anymore and I miss that… I want that.

Thank G-D, my married life is amazing. We know each other, we have a baby, we have fun, we argue and we go on trips. We are a family now. But I still miss that first stage.

It is funny though, seeing how happy my brother in-law is, smiling at his new wife, whispering to her and winking at her. I suddenly forget that we still do that now, forget how when I saw my husband walking into the dinner at the wedding, I still felt that way! Reminiscing that amongst all the fun, all the happiness and excitement, I was still feeling miserable.

As a newly wed, I missed being with my family all day. They were having fun and I was stuck, alone with my husband. I was nervous and shy. I had talked to him for four months and suddenly, he was using my bathroom, we were sharing closets, and he was eating breakfast with me. I was constantly worried that there would be awkward silences, and being nervous that married life would be too hard for me to deal with.

When my husband got sick three weeks after we got married, a minor upset stomach, it sent me into huge bouts of tears while sitting in my parent’s house. As I cried for 45 minutes, he sat in the other room feeling sick and worried what was wrong with his new wife.

When we moved to America, I called my father and said that I want to consider leaving him because I cannot deal with all the new things, the new house, a new city, a whole new family and a new best friend.

I was always embarrassed to tell him things, ask him stuff and suggest things. I worried myself sick if my food was good; if I looked okay for him and if he loved me, even though I was making him crazy. Over time of course, life got easier, I settled and marriage showed me its good sides (as I did to my husband!).

So I tell myself when I see a couple, be jealous, be wishful, be angry that you no longer have all that. BUT be happy, be thankful and be grateful that you are over that stage too.  You got through the phase and you came out on the other side, a better couple, a happier couple and an in-love couple. Marriage has its ups and its downs, its hard stages and its easy stages, its highs and its lows, its happiness and its sadness. So when we are down, we remember it all, and I tell my husband that as much as we are jealous, they just may be jealous of us too.

 

Photograph by Rivka Bauman Photography

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Time Keeper

“Soon man will count all his days, and then smaller segments of the day, and then smaller still—until the counting consumes him, and the wonder of the world he has been given is lost.”

We scribble “dentist appointment, 4pm” on our calendars. We fit shopping into our busy schedules. Everything has time allotted in our days. Time. We need more time.

Mitch Albom tackles this theme in his newest book “The Time Keeper,” a short but inspiring novel that rewards Albom fans. This book tracks the life of a business man and the life of a teen girl full of angst. 

Some people want more time. They cry for it, go through surgery or painful procedures, just to have a few more months. Some are miserable and want the time to fly by so that work would end, and so that the week would zip by to the weekend. Some want to sacrifice their time and give up their lives.

We each choose how to spend each hour of our day and we show how important something is by allotting time for it. We show people how valuable they are by spending time with them, calling when we have a free moment, and stopping by on Shabbat afternoon.

“The Time Keeper” is an easy read, very relatable to people of all paths of life, and inspirational. This book is definitely worth your time.

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Everyday Makeup Routine

Putting on makeup daily does not have to take up a lot of time; in fact you don’t even need more than five minutes. This makeup look is quick and easy, and will fit perfectly into everyone’s morning routine.

Here is a step by step tutorial:

1) Apply a moisturizing face primer all over your face, including your eyelids. If you don’t have any, use a regular facial moisturizer. It’s also a good idea to use one with SPF. You can use your fingers to apply.

2) Apply a neutral light brown eyeshadow to your eyelids. If you don’t have any, you can use foundation powder. The best way to apply it is with a small eyeshadow brush. However, if you don’t have one, you can use your fingers.

3) Apply a slightly darker brown eyeshadow in the crease right above your eyelids. You can use regular bronzer.

4) Apply black or brown eye liner right above your upper lashes. You can play around with different colors that complement your eyes. I’m using black. If you are a beginner, apply the eye liner very slowly and carefully. Practice makes perfect.

5) This step is optional; I like the look of it a lot. Smudge the eyeliner to give a softer look. If there is no ‘smudger’ on your eyeliner, you can use a Q-tip.

6) Apply mascara.

7) Apply Vaseline on your lips. If you want, you can apply lipstick, as I am in the picture.

It’s a good idea to let your skin breathe and not apply liquid foundation every day. Personally, I don’t have the patience; therefore I almost never wear it. However, if you wanted to, I would suggest applying it sparingly, using a sponge.

Yes, it really is that simple! It’s subtle makeup that will really make a difference. You won’t look ‘done’, you’ll just look refreshed 😉

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Living with the Seasons

Our bodies are designed to be in tune with the natural changes that occur in each season of the year. When we regulate ourselves to the natural rhythm of the changing seasons, we can find more physical, spiritual and emotional balance, resulting in better health and less frequent illness. In the fall, we are transitioning from long, hot, active summer days into cooler weather and shortened daylight hours; hence we need to focus on warming foods that will give us the nourishment we need. This is a season when we are particularly susceptible to illness, and by following a few basic and simple steps, we can safeguard our health during this time of transition.

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1) Avoid or limit consumption of ice-cold foods and beverages. Ice-cold foods and beverages can chill our bodies and significantly weaken digestion, leaving us more prone to illness. This season, focus on warm cooked foods such as soups and baked dishes, while seasoning your meals with ginger root and black pepper for added warmth.

2) Eat seasonal foods to help boost immunity. One great way to allow our bodies to be more in tune with the changing seasons is to shop for fresh, locally grown and seasonal foods that offer us optimal nutrition in every season and support us as we adapt to the changing weather. Some great seasonal foods for the fall include:

  • Squash varieties: butternut, acorn and delacata.
  • Root veggies: carrots, beets, and potatoes.
  • Dark green leafy veggies: kale, collards, broccoli, and cabbages.
  • Seasonal fruits: apples, pears, and grapes.

Onions, leeks and garlic are also great seasonal foods that can help boost your immunity in the fall months. Farmer’s markets are a great place to find the most fresh and seasonal foods available in your area.

3) Stay well hydrated to avoid chapped lips, and chaffed skin. In addition to drinking enough water, warm herbal teas are a great addition to your fall diet, especially those that include ginger and cinnamon for extra warmth. Be sure to use extra moisturizer on your hands and lips to avoid dryness from the cold weather.

4) Dress for the weather by making sure you layer up on cold mornings and chilly evenings. It is especially important to keep your neck, ears, and feet warm, so wear a scarf and warm leggings, break out your fall boots, and be sure to keep your kiddos covered up and cozy on cold days to help prevent illnesses.

5) Be sure to wash your hands and your children’s hands before eating! Never underestimate how much this simple step can protect you from unwanted germs and pathogens floating around this fall.

6) Allow time for creative introspection. As we shift from the long, hot, active days of summer into the colder and shorter days of fall, now is the time to release what is old or unneeded, and accept new changes in our lives. Finding meditative and creative outlets like writing, drawing, stretching, walking, or even reorganizing your pantry can help offer us creative ways to process, release, and adapt to the changes and challenges in our lives.

Look out for a nutritious, and warming recipe, coming soon!

Wishing you all a healthy Fall!

Photograph by Rivka Bauman Photography

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A Day in the Life – A Narrative of Balaboostas

Written By: A Balaboosta Fan

The conversation is hopping as I find myself amongst friends, whose facial reactions say it all. With each of us living our busy lives, it can be hard to find the time to successfully meet up and enjoy a girl’s night out. Yes, our lit up faces do say it all…it’s about time!

After the hugs, the kisses, and the “omg-you-look-amazing” conversation starters, I’m reclining on the couch, enjoying the moment, and surveying my surroundings. I looked forward to tonight, and so I try to push away that sluggish feeling that takes over my body after an exhausting day. Zoning out of  the many conversations that form a symphony of chatter throughout the room, I hear words like, “my husband”, “my son”, “my mother in-law”…”Balaboostas.”

Balaboostas. It’s been a month since I joined the online Jewish community for married (or divorced) women. At first, I thought I should not bother, as life was busy without a new “obsession.” But I kept on hearing that it has such great resources, practical advice for the day to day things, and a strong body of support for those who seek it. I joined and I laugh when I think that this time, the obsession was worthwhile.

Lost in my thoughts, I try to ponder the meaning of a Balaboosta. Growing up, I remember how when something felt unfair to me in my parents household, they would softly chide that one day, I would run my own home and decide what goes and what does not. That did not stop my legs from trembling as I walked up to the car of my first date. If there was any consolation, he looked just as nervous as I was.

It took a couple of years for me to find “Mr. Right” and it was the beginning of the scariest, yet most wonderful adventure of my life. When he proposed and we announced our engagement, the blessings and wishes for the new couple did not stop raking in. I understood why each of those wishes came with a tip of advice. “Marriage is not easy”, they would say. “It takes time, compromise, and respect for one another to make it through the rough patches.” Although it did not just suddenly dawn on me, I still could not help but feel that constant fluttering in my stomach which reminded me of how excited I was to be in love and to begin a new life with the most amazing guy, but also how much I hoped that I would get it right, and be up to the challenges that face me in the future.

Getting it right meant all the more to me when we brought our first child into the world. After nine months of ups and downs in my moods, crying how fat I am, petrified that I do not have what it takes to be a mom, I try to shove all of my worries down the drain and toughen up for my beautiful and healthy baby daughter. With my husband, family, and friends, I know that they are all there for me and it is okay to ask for help when I need it. As I rock her to sleep, I wonder about her personality, I think about her education, and I hope to raise her well, to be a proud Jewish woman in her own unique way.

I jolt out of my reverie when I hear my name being called. I am being asked what has got me floating off to another world. I smile. I tell her that I am thinking about how it was just yesterday when we graduated high school, and now look at us, as successful moms, wives, businesswomen, all on our different paths, raising families and having it all, well…except the time to do this more often!

“I know, right?!” she shrills back….”It’s a good thing we have Balaboostas, eh?”

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