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My Favorite Jewish Holiday

PassoverHoliday

There’s an extremist in me. I aim for the Maimonidean golden medium for my character and temperament, but underneath it is raving Baal Teshuva. I think that’s why the old joke matching Jewish holidays to psychological disorders spoke to me. Pesach is the outlet for those who get a spiritual satisfaction of being relentlessly thorough, and Pesach takes this urge to a tangible crescendo.

The great thing about Judaism, though, is that there is an inherent balance. For every law that seems extreme or regimented, there is a delicious freedom attached. My search, then, (my avodah), is to find the balance in Passover. In some senses, the holiday has a similar payoff to those who value a throwback to the simple life before preservatives and corn syrup. The freedom is found in the minimalism; imagine a table set with fresh unseasoned fish, fresh vegetables, and simplified home with the superfluous nonsense locked away, the floors gleaming from being freshly scrubbed with lemon juice. There is a breathtaking purity in the rigidity of the Pesach restrictions, that leaves so much mental room open to processing our ancestor’s freedom.

The seder may have a strict time limit in order to get to the afikomen by midnight, but this setup lends itself to focus and intensity. During the intermediate days of Pesach, family time and festive adventures are encouraged, all while dressed slightly nicer and still sticking to the simple foods.

Last Pesach, I hosted my first sedarim and cleaned my own apartment for the first time. It was right before I got engaged to my now-husband, and thoughts were on my mind of my future as a builder of a Jewish home. A Jewish home is the most sacred place in Jewish life, and this was my first apartment with my name on the lease. It was mine, and it became Pesachdik. I hosted sedarim with friends and coworkers, making the components of the seder plate with intent and concentration. That Pesach, I became a generational link. Now that I am married and am spending the holiday with my husband’s family, I look forward to being a link among a new extended family as well as a link through time.

That is my own personal balance I make for myself. As a self-proclaimed extremist blazing ahead on my spiritual path, the human connections I have to develop ground me. Pesach is the most intense time for spiritual growth and the most intense time for family bonding. I will always remember the jarred gefilte fish, Passover dishes, my dad’s theatrical reading of the Haggadah, the frog dance of my sisters during the 10 plagues, and my mother’s matzah brei from my traditional upbringing. Now, with a new husband and new group of in-laws, I can create new memories. The interpersonal and the intrapersonal are interwoven in Jewish life, and Pesach takes this to their most elevated heights.

That is why Pesach is my favorite Jewish holiday.

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My Journey to Freedom

It started five years ago, when I married my now ex-husband. Well, that’s when it officially started. But you see, it never just starts with a bad marriage. There is usually a history leading up to that poor decision. In my case, I had been abused previously. True, it was a different kind of abuse. But essentially, it’s all the same. It has the same devastating effects and takes the same sort of energy to shake out of your system.

It started when I was 7 years old. Thankfully, it’s over. But the journey has not yet ended. I am in a healthier place now than I have ever been in, but there is always work to be done.

Sparing you the horrific details, I was sexually abused for many years as a young child. I then went on to marry an abusive man. He put me down, shamed me, beat me, raped me and ultimately, succeeded in making me feel worthless and like I was nothing more than an empty shell. He did a ‘fine’ job of finishing off my rapist’s mission.

Throughout my years, I subconsciously took over the role of my abusers in treating myself like I do not have a voice, and doubting the small little voice that would attempt to speak up every now and then.

Now that small little voice has gotten stronger and louder and more assertive. But every so often, the condescending voices of my abusers pipe up and try to dissuade me from pursuing my dreams. But now, it is their voices that are hushed and quiet, the muttering that I am now able to ignore and prove wrong.

Because I am strong. Stronger than the weak men who needed to put me down in order to build themselves up. Stronger than the naysayers who thought I could never break free. Stronger than myself, because every day I am getting stronger than I was yesterday.

Here are some of the ways that I was able to nurture and bring forth my inner strength. For those of you who have battled with similar struggles, I hope this can help you break free too.

Live your life for you! You are the most important person in your world. Your own mental health should be top priority. What everyone else thinks is just background noise. Ultimately, they are not living with your decisions – you are. This does not mean to totally disregard wisdom and advice from those wiser and more experienced than ourselves, but rather, to take it into consideration when you look at the grander picture that only you have access to. Remember: you can never please everyone.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish. If something or someone makes you feel bad or gives you negative vibes, remove them from your life. You do not have to care for the world. You have to care for you. Take time to do the things that make you happy, that give you positive energy, and only surround yourself with those who do that for you.

Set boundaries  Very clear and strong boundaries  When interacting with you, other’s should know what you will put up with. And the only way for them to know what your boundaries are, is if you tell them. Be firm. Be your own advocate.

♥ Independence. For every individual, this can mean something else. For some, it may mean getting a job and paying their own bills. For others, it can be taking college courses. And yet for others, it can be as simple as going pottery painting in the evening after the kids are asleep. Whatever it takes for you to feel like your own person, do it.

Which brings me to my final point: Date yourself. This one may be more difficult for the extroverts out there, but it may prove to be even more beneficial. It entails doing exactly what it sounds like. Take the time out to be alone and do what you enjoy doing. Allow yourself the quiet and solitude to think deeply. Let your mind wander. Get to know yourself. Keep a journal of the thoughts you have. You would be surprised at how much you discover about yourself. It can only lead to good things.

Now as Pesach approaches, I am aware that I was bound by shackles of abuse, similar to that of the slaves in Egypt. But I, like them, am no longer a victim, rather I am a survivor.

Freedom

I survived the deepest hell and came out stronger. Like the Torah tells us, the slavery in Egypt was compared to an iron furnace. It refined us to be able to receive the Torah. One of my favorite expressions sums this up perfectly “Stars can’t shine without darkness.” I am a shining star, as is each and everyone one of us. We all have struggles and those struggles shape us to be better, stronger and kinder people.

Let us use this upcoming holiday to reflect within and find our deepest strengths.
Wishing you all a happy, healthy, Kosher and liberating Pesach!

Photograph by Rivka Bauman Photography

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Dear Pesach,

By Becky Brownstein

I’m a humor writer. I like to view regular everyday life situations in a humorous way. Then I take that situation and turn it into a story in my head. When I find the time, I take that situation and write it out as best as I can. I guess you can say that’s my way of coping. Hey, everyone has a right to their own coping mechanism. Mine is just a little less serious at times. That is until I turn the page in the calendar and see, staring right back at me, those 8 different colored calendar squares, signifying the impending doom, I mean holiday of Pesach.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t be so negative. It’s a beautiful holiday shared with family and friends and it is so nice once it gets here. But that’s the problem. The problem is the time until it gets here. There is so much anxiety and pressure associated with Pesach, that as soon as I start seeing the first signs of the kosher for Pesach Matzoh Meal on the shelf of my local grocery store, I start to have a mini panic attack. But of course my way of coping with that is to say “Nah, they’re just really early. No one is going to be buying that stuff now.” Which brings me to my next way of coping with life situations – denial.

Denial is great! I get through the day without a worry, until I realize denial is a terrible, horrible thing and stay up really late folding all the laundry I pretended I didn’t care about all day. Pesach is kind of the same. I can push it off only so long until I buckle down and say, “Okay Pesach, you got me. I feel that we have a strained relationship. On the one hand, we get along so well when you finally get here, and I can celebrate you and be happy with you. On the other hand, the preparation for your arrival causes me a lot of stress and aggravation. I’ll be honest with you and tell you that some people go through extreme anxiety and full blown panic attacks when they realize how soon you will be visiting them. Some people don’t even want you to visit them in their own homes and pack themselves up and go to family or friends. So take it easy, Pesach. I won’t deny you anymore, but you have to take it easy on me. Thanks!” And then I get on started cleaning.

*Small Tangent* I am terrible at math. Like, embarrassing-ly terrible (but I am really good at making up my own words). Surprisingly, it was in my 11th grade math class that I learned one of the best life lessons ever. My teacher said that her mother taught her that when times get tough, to just chip away at it. I remember thinking, “huh, that’s kind of genius”. Now as a mother who is in charge of the overall upkeep of this joint, I still hear that advice and have even taught it to my kids. My motto has become, “start in one area and work your way around.” *Tangent Over*

I have been making Pesach for many years now. Ten, to be kind of exact (can I have my medal now please?). I guess I became kind of a pro at list making, job delegating and when to start cleaning, that I have been able to keep the major panic attacks at bay. No, I am not just tooting my own horn. And no, it’s not because my husband is a psychologist (like how I threw that in there, honey?). I have actually started to view Pesach more in a, chip-away-at-it, kind of way and I am able to stay semi-stress free.

My first symptom of Pesach related stress had always been that overwhelming feeling of how many things I actually had to do. My second most stressful thought was, how am I able to do all those Pesach related jobs and also somehow take care of my children? I mean, they actually expect dinner, clean clothes and a semi sane and loving Mommy (so demanding!).  I won’t even get into varicose vein issues, back pain and overall exhaustion. And those years I was pregnant or breast feeding….. (breathe Becky, breeeeathe). I’m sure you get what I’m talking about. So, how do I manage you ask? I make lists. Yeah, Yeah, I know. Everyone makes lists. But seriously folks, THEY WORK!

Lists-Passover

All that jumbled mess in my head that had to somehow come into fruition made me insane. When I would write it all out on a paper and actually see what it was I had to do, it kind of gave me a sense of being okay and under control. Now, I tape up papers on the walls or write with a dry erase marker on the fridge, of all the things that I have to do and then make checks when they are finished. Checks totally sucked when I was in school. It meant that I made a mistake. Now, checks give me this amazing rush and feeling of accomplishment. I can make a check, breath in through my nose and out through my mouth and move on. IT’S AMAZING FOLKS! AMAZING!

*Small Tangent* My husband and I have an agreement when it comes to before-yom-tov gifts. I go out and do something nice for myself and then I later tell him it was from him. Win Win! *Tangent over*

Another trick I learned through the years, was to set a goal. Yeah, the seder would be a good one, but I needed my kitchen done before the seder or there wouldn’t be a Shulchan Aruch. This year, I started a new trend. I write on the calendar which day I would like to have a mani pedi and work my way backwards. So I get a before Yom Tov gift (since I hardly treat myself, I mean get treated, to a mani pedi, it’s something I look forward to) and I also have a deadline for myself. There are some years where I would miss my fake deadline (just picking any day of the week to get finished wasn’t really too threatening to me, aka Mr. Denial again. Hence the reasoning behind the mani pedi). So I had to crunch and lose my cool a little bit, which is okay. It’s okay to get overwhelmed, it’s just how overwhelmed you get that becomes kind of an issue.

So, no, there aren’t many funny things about getting ready for Pesach. There are hardly any funny things about shopping for Pesach. There aren’t that many things funny about lining an entire kitchen (unless someone unfamiliar with Pesach Minhagim walks in and sees your kitchen spaceship. Because that’s really funny). We all get through it somehow. Some of us even really enjoy it. Make the best of it and don’t forget to chip away at it! You will get there!!

I hope you all have a very happy Pesach that is filled with love and happiness and not full of the opposites of those.

Photo credit: Entelo

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Woman-Friendly Haggada

The Haggada you choose will make or break your Pesach Seder. A poor translation, or a book with no commentaries, will leave you with a missed opportunity. Many women go through a meal devoid of the female take on our history and heritage. The text of the Haggada has very little to say about women, except for the fact that we are still obligated in joining, since we too were saved.

The Haggada I grew up with was The Family Haggada, which was adequate. It had clear instructions, good translation, but aside for that, it is not the one for me. Aside from not being Chabad (which obviously is not an issue for everyone), the commentaries are lacking. If there is a lull in the meal, you have no great reading to turn to. If someone asks a meaningful question, you have no book to rely on. It is not an expensive purchase if you need multiple, at around $3 a piece, but not the one I’ll be using this year. Again, as the average Haggada goes, it’s all about the guys.

TheFamilyHaggadah

When I was in Hevron, I picked up the most beautiful Haggada I had ever laid eyes on. The Katz Passover Haggada illustrated by Gadi Pollack, is one that you will not regret buying. On every page is a detailed and intricate depiction of life in Egypt. It is not for young children, due to some of the sad and violent pictures. Sometimes we forget the horrors of the life of a Jew during our slavery, with this book, we are reminded. Sometimes we forget the brutality and terror of the plagues, but this book is not afraid to illustrate the might with which they were punished.

KatzPassoverHagaddah

One picture stuck into my mind, such a sad picture, but so telling. It is an image of a woman crying out to Hashem, after the loss of her child. The commentary says, “As a woman named Rachel and her husband were mixing mortar, she gave birth to a child. The infant fell [] The woman’s anguished screams pierced the heavens [] On that night (one year later) Hashem destroyed all the firstborn of Egypt” (Chait 107). This was the first time I had heard about the plight of a Jewish woman in Egypt. The first time hearing about the strength of our prayers. The first time I saw such loss on a woman’s face. This was also the first time that I really knew that our cries are heard.

This is only one of one hundred pages. Every page has another wonder, from slavery to the crossing of the sea. Artwork has a power that words cannot always capture.

The book that I will be using this year is The Slager Edition of the Haggada. With clear instructions, great translations, and very clear font, I have enjoyed reading from this book for the last three years. It is laid out like the Gutnick Chumash, with basic questions as well as deeper chassidic teachings explaining the entirety of the evening.

SlagerEditionHaggadah

There are a few things that I found to be very meaningful as a woman reading at the seder. During the time of our slavery, women were oppressed worse than the men in many ways. According to the Arizal, women were kept from Mikva by the police (Miller 84), the women were exposed to such a spiritual “annihilation” that it was worse than the boys’ drowning (87)!

Even the more basic explanations are inspiring. Why do we keep the smaller piece of the middle Matza on the table? To remind us that if we can only see the “small piece of Matza” in our life, we should know that there is a bigger piece of the puzzle that Hashem is waiting to give us (8).

One of the most ignored themes of the Haggada is loss, the loss specifically interconnected with being in Galus. Each of us has experienced our form of loss, be it a financial loss, loss of innocence, or loss of a loved one. We only have the small piece of our “Matza” in life, we all feel a piece missing, but with a strong cry that will break the doors of heaven, we can bring the peace and joy that Hashem brought us during the Exodus of Egypt.

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Using Pesach Foods to Heal

By Sara Chana, IBCLC, RH (AHG)

Pesach used to be considered a time of constipation and ‘bad-food’ but today, we know that Pesach can be a time of ‘great-food’ filled with foods that cleanse, heal and rejuvenate. There are so many ways to use Pesach as a time to revitalize the system—you just need to know how.

Kneidel soup, macro.

  • Carrot juice is the best way to start the day. Carrot juice prevents and relieves constipation. It is important to keep your system flowing freely especially after you eat Matza. Drinking carrot juice first thing in the morning, before you eat is suggested, but you can drink it anytime.
  • Hot water with lemon is a great cleanser for your body. Lemon is a wonderful antioxidant and a great soothing form of vitamin C. Drinking this warm lemon drink throughout the day will also soften your stools. You can add honey to the warm drink if you use honey on Pesach.
  • Almond butter is easy to make and a delightful treat. Almonds are a powerful food with lots of medicinal benefits. Almonds lower the rise in blood sugar, they reduce inflammation in the body by lowering C-reactive protein levels, and the monounsaturated fats and vitamin E in almonds help maintain a healthy heart and cardiovascular system. To make almond butter, lay almonds out on a pan, bake for 45 minutes at 275o. Cool, and then put into a food processer. You do not need to add sugar or oil. The almond will first shred into flour then will congeal into a paste. One of my favorite Pesach snacks is to slice a banana, put a dollop of almond butter on the plate with a drizzle of honey and eat one banana slice with a little almond butter at a time. Wonderful!
  • Turmeric roots are a great addition to Pesach. Turmeric is a root that you can peel and add to your favorite recipes. Add it to soups, chicken, even kugels. It may not be our custom, but remember avocados did not grow in Russia! Turmeric reduces blood pressure and stops the growths of tumors. It is a powerhouse that is antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-allergic and is an anti-oxidant. Researchers are just beginning to recognize the amazing healing qualities of turmeric. Turmeric has been proven effective in treating: Arthritis, cancer, alzheimer’s disease, diabetes, irritable bowel syndrome, indigestion, inflammation, urinary tract infections, gallstones, bronchitis, colds, headaches and diarrhea.
  • Chicken soup is considered a medicine all over the world. When making your soup, be sure to add lots of vegetables. Adding vegetables like onions, turnips, zucchini and sweet potatoes makes the soup super-healing. When you eat your soup, take a minute to relax. Take a deep breath, exhale, and then sip it slowly breathing in the vapors and allowing the soup to heal your body.
  • Horseradish is world renowned for its healing properties. Horseradish is considered a super-food. The Glucosinolates found in horseradish are responsible for the hot taste of horseradish, and a recent study from the University of Illinois indicates that the substantial quantities of glucosinolates in horseradish can increase human resistance to cancer. Horseradish is a natural antibiotic and a powerful antioxidant. Studies have shown that horseradish root helps with sinus infections. So don’t just eat horseradish at the Seder. Add it to your salads, meat dishes and soups.

Make this Pesach a spiritual and physical time for growth and healing. You do not need to feel full and uncomfortable; you need to feel stronger, wiser and joyful.

Sara Chana, IBCLC, RH (AHG) is a lactation consultant, classical homeopath, registered herbalist, doula and mother of seven children. She has worked with over 10,000 new moms and babies. Please like her Facebook page Sara Chana and/or follow her on twitter. On May 1st she will be launching her Breastfeeding App with 102 original videos at www.sarachana.com!

Photo Credit: OhNuts!.com

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Balaboostas Pesach SWEEPStakes!

In honor of Passover, Balaboostas.com brings to one of you, the “No-Potato Passover” cookbook, by Aviva Kanoff!

Experience Aviva Kanoff’s newly revised and edited, The No-Potato Passover. Explore the tastes and colors of cultures far and near with Aviva, as she puts her creative spin on exotic cuisines just in time for Passover!

No Potato Passover Cover

Aviva Kanoff has gathered delicious, worldwide recipes to revolutionize Passover menus
everywhere. Spanning the globe, Aviva’s colorful journey takes us through the plates
and palates of a rich gastronomic experience, creating a potato-free Pesach. From Italy to
Israel, England to France, Italy to Austria, Croatia to Hungary, and as far and far-out as
Jamaica and Morocco, Aviva brings the culinary world to your kitchen workstation.

Leave behind plain potatoes this Passover and opt for healthy and creative options, such as quinoa and spaghetti squash. Make that starchy Passover substitute, the plain potato, an ingredient of Passovers past!

The recipes in The No-Potato Passover are so delicious, you’ll want to make them all
year round! The No-Potato Passover is filled with:

• Easy-to-make, user-friendly recipes, often comprised of 6 ingredients or less
• Helpful hints and tips, with specified portion and serving sizes
• Vibrant, colorful travel photography from across the world
• Original, healthy options to create fantastic dishes for Passover and all year-long
• Low-carb and gluten-free recipes

Are you convinced now?

You can enter this SWEEPStake by going to the Balaboostas Facebook Fanpage and clicking on the Sweepstakes! tab right beneath the ‘like’ button. Or you can just click here 🙂

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I am a Cleaner After All

My friend changed her Facebook status [around 3 minutes after she finished her Purim Seudah] to “wake me up after Pesach!”

I felt the same. At the end of Purim, I say (with fear in my voice) “4 weeks to pesach!” Motzei Pesach I say “4 months to Tisha Be’Av” and as I break my fast “8 weeks to Yom Kippur” and then “2 months to Chanukah” and on the 8th day I start planning my Mishloach Manot, after all it is “3 months to Purim!”

Am I not the happiest person ever? I am always counting down to the next Jewish Day.

As Jewish women, we spend our lives planning and preparing for the next occasion, the next Simcha, and/or the next Yom Tov. We always have something to do that involves panic and often a fear or two as well. Let me introduce you to some of my choice phrases that come to mind for said times of the year:

“Oh my g-d did you really just ask me for a cookie? Do you really think I will bake so close to Pesach? If you are hungry eat the dust mites that need to be gone anyway!”

“Of course the Menorah looks shiny I spent 3 days scrubbing it. You helped? Yes you turned off the water when I couldn’t move my hands anymore!”

“If you get drunk, I will not clean up your vomit! You will sleep outside and will not come into my house until you are sober and showered! Take point, do not get drunk on Purim!”

And so they go on.  I really am a nice person, but there are some things about certain times in the Jewish calendar that get my ‘yiddisher mama’ instincts out and put my girly-moody-terror swings into full force. And Pesach is not only one of them, it is the main one.

I grew up with a real Jewish mother who would pester my father from Chanukah to Chanukah “spider webs are Chametz, they must not be seen on Pesach and you must take them down before next Pesach!” So you can see why I get this fear when someone mentions the “P” word, I mean how am I meant to have a house so clean for Pesach that there are no cobwebs, when there are no cobwebs to begin with?! How will I know when I am done?!

Or maybe I am never done because as soon as I am done ‘Pesach cleaning’ away the Chametz, I must clean up the Pesach food and dishes, and then change back to Chametz and then clean up the crumbs from the pizza and then make shabbos and clean up again and clean and clean….

SoapyWater

I just realized the point of what I am trying to say.

When someone tells you “such a true yiddisher mama” or “you are a real Balaboosta” or (best one ever said to me) “your house is always so clean and you always have such good food!” what do they really mean?

“Hey you are such a great cleaning lady!!!”

And we are right?  After all, everything we do involves cleaning or cooking or looking after the kids, or cleaning some more.

So I sign off with the following:

If Pesach starts getting you down, just think it as 6 months to Tishrei (3 times 3 day Yom Tovs!) and that has to be harder than this. If you think your house isn’t clean enough, it obviously isn’t! Find your husband and get him to help. If you don’t think you will be able to clean everything and shop for food, wash dishes and kids clothes, and then cook and dress the kids – then go have a cup of tea. G-d will help you figure it out eventually. After all, no one ever came to Seder night and had to eat challah!

Happy Pesach Cleaning  🙂

Photohraph by Rivka Bauman Photography