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Homeopathy: What is it and How Does it Work? (Continued)

By Sara Chana, IBCLC, RH (AHG)

This is an exclusive article that was first published in the SELECT magazine. We reached out to Sara Chana to shed some light on this discussion that we had on the Forum: Do You Believe in Homeopathy? and she sent us this to publish here. This is part two, you can find part one here. You can hear more from Sara Chana on her Facebook and Twitter. You can also browse her website for more information about homeopathy. 

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Homeopathic Remedies: What Are They Made From and What Do the Numbers Refer To?

Homeopathy takes different properties from nature (plants, minerals, bacteria and so on) and converts them into healing remedies.  For example, Belladonna is a poisonous plant that if ingested in its natural form, would cause the symptoms of fever, sweating, and dilated pupils; but if diluted and ingested in microscopic amounts, a person’s fever will subside and the person will get better. It is thought that the energy of the remedy collides with the energy of the illness and dissipates the imbalance.

During the process of making a homeopathic remedy, the natural ‘substance’—plant, mineral, bacteria and so on—is diluted many times and shaken repeatedly—succussed.  This liquid dilution is then poured over sugar pellets, which absorb the liquid, and when dried, they are put into a vial and labeled. On this label, you will find the name of the remedy, i.e., Belladonna and then a number and letter. The number and letter correspond to the remedy’s strength, or potency. The numbers range from 6x, 6c, 12c, 15c, 30c, 200c, 1M, to 10M. The number represents the amount of times the remedy was diluted and succussed. Although it is certainly counter-intuitive, the philosophy in homeopathy is that the more the substance is diluted the stronger it becomes. So, diluting the substance 200 times makes it stronger than diluting it 6 times. This means that a homeopathic remedy at 200c is stronger than one at 6c. The frequency for taking any given remedy will depend both on the issue being treated and on the potency of the selected remedy. Therefore, the job of the homeopath is to match not only the homeopathic substance, but also the potency and the frequency of the dosage. These lower number remedies, or ‘lower potencies’, are used for conditions that are visible to the naked eye, or that affect the skin or mouth. So, for a canker sore, which affects the mouth, a homeopath might recommend the remedy called Borax 6x. And since this remedy is relatively weak—in a low potency—it can be repeated up to four times a day, until the canker sore is resolved. However, if a person experienced a trauma, like witnessing a terrible car accident, and is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, then that individual would require a remedy at a ‘higher potency’ that is given less often. In this case, the homeopath may prescribe a remedy called Aconite 1M, which is used for emotional shock. Since the ‘potency’ is higher, the patient is advised to only take the remedy one time and then wait a week or a month to see how he or she responds to it.

Homeopathy Vital Force: What Is It?

To explain further, the goal of a homeopath is to restore balance to the person’s vital force. Homeopaths believe that the vital force is what gives life to a person. But what is the vital force? The vital force is what makes flesh, blood, bones, cytoplasm, mitochondria, Golgi bodies, DNA, and RNA work together to create a life. The vital force is energy, an invisible energy that gives the person his or her own unique qualities and personal drive to live. Homeopaths describe the vital force as an energy that not only pushes the living body in the direction toward health, but also in the direction toward disease- depending on the individual’s orientation. This vital force or energy force is what people carry within them from the moment they are conceived until their death. Its energy must flow uninterruptedly. Otherwise, negative symptoms can develop. Blocked energy creates stagnation, allowing illnesses to take hold of the tissues or organs in the body. There are viruses, bacteria and parasites around us all the time, but they can only affect a weakened vital force. When the vital force is strong and unencumbered, these intruders have no effect on the body. Conversely, if the energy is blocked and stagnant, they may take hold and make the person ill. The bacteria, virus and parasites only affect an already unbalanced vital force to cause the disease. Simply stated, homoeopaths believe that this vital force determines our state of health throughout a person’s entire life. A healthy vital force maintains a healthy mind and body while a weakened or blocked vital force will allow illness to enter the person. This explains why we feel some mental and physical uneasiness days before an attack of a cold or fever, when all modern investigations and examinations cannot detect anything wrong in our bodies in terms of vital signs and organ structures. Since the homeopath’s goal is to find the correct homeopathic remedy for the patient, this means that the energy of the homeopathic remedy has to match the energy of the person’s vital force. The homeopathic remedy’s job is to help initiate movement of the person’s energy when it is slow or stagnant, and unblock the energy if it is blocked.

Homeopaths believe that the body is a self-healing mechanism and given the right environment, healthy foods, correct nutrients, exercise and mental stability, the body has the ability to heal itself. The body was created with everything it needs to heal itself if something goes wrong, but sometimes the body needs that energetic push to remind itself of its own strength and ability. Homeopathic medicine’s goal in treating illness is to stimulate the person’s own vital force and bring it back into balance, so that the person’s own body will be able to ultimately heal itself.

Homeopathic remedies are safe, easy to administer, and most often without side effects. They are healthful choices for people of all ages from birth to geriatric. There are a great number of children who yearly avoid tubes in their ears thanks to the wonders of homeopathy.  Adult arthritis sufferers have stopped taking inflammatory medications once they’ve found the remedy best suited for them. Adults and children alike who have suffered from chronic eczema have been greatly helped with homeopathy, after all other medicines have failed them. These are merely a few examples of where homeopathy can really be a savior.

If you are new to homeopathy and want to test its efficacy, you can start with a basic and easy- to-use remedy called Arnica.  I recommend purchasing the Arnica at a dose of 30c. Arnica 30c is for bumps, bruises, or muscle pain. This is really a universally beneficial remedy that is great to have in your first aid kit at all times. It can be used for pain caused by a strained muscle after an intense workout or for pain suffered after dental work.  Arnica is great to have at Little League games for kids, or if you go on a family hike!  Let this remedy be your first taste into the world of homeopathy.

This is the final post.

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Shavuot Makeup – Long Lasting

With Yom Tov coming up, I decided to share with you a beautiful makeup look along with a few tips on how to keep your makeup lasting as long as possible.

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The look I have for you is a neutral look that will match any outfit you decide to wear. To prevent the eye makeup from rubbing off over night, do your best to sleep on your back. That way, it won’t rub off onto your pillow. In addition, using a good primer (as mentioned in step #1) will help the makeup last. However, even if most of the makeup does come off over night, you will be left with the black eyeliner for the next day.

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  1. Prime your eyes: You want to use a really good primer so that your makeup has the best chance at staying on overnight. I used Maybelline Fit Me Concealer, and although it is not meant to be used as an eye primer, I find that it works really well. Use your ring finger to lightly pat the concealer all around the eye area- both on the eyelids and under them. Set your eyes with some foundation powder to prevent creasing.
  2. Apply gold eye shadow to the center of your eyelids. Instead of sweeping it on, pat it on with your fingers or a brush. This will pack the eye shadow on better, making it last longer.
  3. Apply a shimmery light eye shadow on the inner corners of the eyes to brighten them up.
  4. Apply black eye shadow on the outer corner of the eye.
  5. Apply a light natural powder (I use regular foundation powder) and apply it on the brow bone, blending it well into the crease.
  6. Use the same black eye shadow and line it under your eyes using a small eyeliner brush.
  7. Apply black eyeliner. If you want the best chance at having the eyeliner last for a day or two, here’s what I recommend: A) Use gel eyeliner and apply it with a small eye shadow brush. A good option is Maybelline Eye Studio Gel Liner. The second best option is to apply liquid eyeliner, but I find the gel works better and lasts longer. B) Set the eyeliner with black eye shadow.
  8. Apply some mascara to complete the look.

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For the rest of the face, I suggest not applying any foundation whatsoever, because going to sleep with makeup on your face is really bad for your skin. Therefore, I will move on to the lips.

Apply a long lasting lipstick. The lipstick I used is Revlon ColorStay Overtime Lipcolor, and be warned: This lip product is very hard to remove even after wearing for an entire day. It really lasts very well.

Here is the completed look:

PesachMakeup4

Happy Shavuot!

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Abercrombie and Self Esteem

By Tzipporah La Fianza

When I first read about what Michael Jeffries, CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch, had to say regarding their target market, I had nothing more than an eye roll to offer. I’ve never shopped, nor do I ever intend to shop at A&B, so it didn’t seem worth wasting time forming an opinion on it.

But then I got to wondering if perhaps, I should be a little more upset by it. Though I personally wouldn’t want to walk into a store targeted towards teens, especially one with the high price tags and blatant sexual images that Abercrombie and Fitch displays, the idea of this 68 year old man targeting teenage girls in such a negative way did not sit well with me.

I’m a curvy–that’s how we’re qualifying females over size 10 these days, in case you didn’t know–32 yr old woman myself, and no doubt A&F cares very little about what I think of their marketing practices. But I was once a young, impressionable, self-conscious, teenager dying to fit in like so many others are now. I remember clearly how it feels to have your clothing, your car, your weight, your nose, and your hair, all judged harshly by your peers. Only to then look into your worst critic’s eyes in the mirror every morning. Sizing yourself up, comparing your thighs to the model in the magazine, comparing your shoes to those of your friend’s; the worries of fitting in with just the right crowd all the while pretending you don’t really care at all. Working to get that “I just rolled out of bed looking this incredibly good” look without letting on that it took you nearly 40 minutes of teasing, blow drying and sixteen different hair products to look that casual. Oh, and school work too, because you are in school to receive an education after all, right?

Teenagers live in an emotionally exhausting head-space and even with juggling my very busy adult life with four kids to care for, I still don’t think I have anything on them. Honestly, I don’t miss it at all.

Though I feel that many companies’ marketing to be distasteful at best, I’m quick to remind myself that I am free not to support them with my hard earned money. At the end of the day, a company is going to do whatever is quickest to push its product. This isn’t the first nor the last company that will play off of the insecurities of their consumers in order to make sales. In fact, I researched a few more fashion stores generally targeted at teenagers and I found much of the same. This portion of the popular teen store 5.7.9.’s “about us” statement makes it abundantly clear that they know exactly who they are marketing to:

“…featuring sizes 00-9. The target age group is the 13 to 22 year old. She lives in the suburbs, comes from a middle & upper income background & uses malls and a social meeting places as well as a place to shop…”

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Michael Jeffries, CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch

How can I find any particular fault with A&F that I don’t find with other stores targeting the same demographic? Maybe it was a bit of a faux pas for Michael to publicly state that “good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don’t market to anyone other than that.”  But under the surface, is there really any difference in what other stores that target teens and young adults do? I’m not so sure.

Time has taught me that self-esteem is not only an important asset to developing your own sense of identity in school, but it is the way you feel about yourself during those formative years that tends to stick with you like glue, becoming hardened in the cement of growing older, and eventually becoming nearly impossible to change once we hit out early thirties. Our self-esteem and that of our children, is something truly worth fighting for because when all is said and done, all of those high school relationships and BFFs will be behind us and all that we will really have left from the four year experience, is a diploma and a seed planted in us about our worth in this world. It’s clear that in this day and age, if you don’t fight hard to be the master of your own sense of self-worth, you’re going to have it stripped away or handed to you on a silver platter by any number of sources.

I know that I will never be able to walk into a Target and fit my size 14 body into one of their maxi dresses or skinny jeans. I accept that when I need a new shirt or skirt, I will have to head over to the “petite” (that’s a nice word for short) section of JC Penney to scavenge through the various racks of pre-shrunk cotton shirts and rayon blouses for something that doesn’t make me feel 82. I can even deal with the fact that my body shape isn’t within the framework of the American ideal. Honestly, it’s no skin off my back, I’ve never prided myself in my astounding fashion sense nor have I ever wanted to, as I like being my own person. But that’s not to say that I don’t recognize the effect this sort of marketing does have on teenage girls.

As far as I am concerned, Abercrombie and Fitch’s marketing might as well follow a you into high school and stand in line right next to that mean girl who pretends not to see you and shoves you with her shoulder in the hallway, or the group of girls who crack into sudden hysterics as you as you walk by their lunch table, causing you to both check the bottoms of your shoes for toilet paper and your nose for rogue boogers while you walk away blushing. If there is one thing teenagers do not need from their elders, is the encouragement to divide up into groups to bully and outcast.

Do I think that Abercrombie and Fitch should retract their statements or be shamed into coming out with a secondary clothing line for us of larger stature or of dorkier social status? Not at all. I still stand by my conviction that it is within their right to market as they see fit. Instead, I turn my attention to you, the consumers and the parents of the consumers, and implore you not to buy into this ideal of the perfect American body type. Instead of stressing over wardrobes so much, consider investing in who you are as a person. As cliché as the saying is, it’s quite true that beauty is only skin deep. Mothers, remember to tell your daughter how beautiful they really are because every teenage girl really needs to hear that, no matter how much she might deny it. Fathers, make sure your little girls know that they are treasured and respected, because someone who truly values themselves will always value others. Girls, demand for yourself respect from society, from your peers and always question companies who are willing to eagerly take your money and in exchange, hand you a token of your perceived net worth as a human being.

And for goodness sakes, never let a 68 year old CEO of a clothing store define who you are in this world.

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Getting Closer – The Event

The second official Balaboostas lecture has finally arrived! Don’t miss out on this important subject. You can RSVP on Facebook, or comment on this blog post or message me here. Space is limited, so if you would like to bring friends, please let me know as soon as possible (but they can just show up too). Looking forward to meeting you!

Balaboostas.com Presents “Getting Closer”

Mrs. Fraidy Yanover will be presenting Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in marriage and intimacy for Orthodox couples. On Tuesday, May 7, he will be presenting his new book, “Getting Closer – Understanding and Treating Issues in Marital Intimacy: A Guide for Orthodox Couples”, and he will be discussing its content and related topics for the benefit of Jewish married women (only). Joining him will be Dr. Rivkah Friedman, PT, MS, DPT, an alumnus of the SUNY Downstate’s Doctor of Physical Therapy program. Together, they will address some of the most common concerns that pertain to marital intimacy from a psychological as well as a physical standpoint.

At the end of the lecture, Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch and Dr. Rivka Friedman will open the floor to Q&A that can be submitted anonymously at the event. We will provide postcards and pens for this purpose. For more information about “Getting Closer”, feel free to visit www.JewishMarriageSupport.com. Some of the topics included in the book are:

  • Low desire disorders
  • Internet addiction
  • Unconsummated marriages
  • Dyspareunia & Vaginismus
  • Sexual abuse
  • Fear of Intimacy
  • Infertility
  • Postpartum Depression
  • And more…

We hope to see you for this important and informative presentation on this crucial topic. Please feel free to invite your friends and RSVP immediately, as space is limited!

Date: May 7, 2012

Location: 829 Montgomery Street

Time: 7:45-9:30 pm

Admission: $12 charge, $18 suggestion.

Light refreshments will be served.

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Flyer by Miriam Hammer Design

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Getting Closer

Authors note: Exclusively on Balaboostas.com Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch along with Dr. Rivkah Friedman, a physiotherapist who specializing in sexual pain, pelvic floor dysfunction, pregnancy & postpartum related issues, will be writing a new column answering questions from readers concerning sexual dysfunction. If you have specific questions, please submit them to: admin@balaboostas.com

In his new book “Getting Closer—Understanding and Treating Issues in Marital Intimacy: A Guide for Orthodox Couples“, Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, Marriage and Family Therapist, aims to remove the shame and isolation felt by Orthodox couples dealing with sexual dysfunction.

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In this book, Rabbi Schonbuch, who is known for his success as a marriage therapist in New York City, explores various aspects of sexual dysfunction including:

  • Low desire disorders
  • Internet addiction
  • Unconsummated marriage
  • Dyspareunia & Vaginismus
  • Sexual abuse
  • Fear of intimacy​
  • Infertility
  • Postpartum Depression and more…

The book was edited by two leading medical experts in gynecology, including Dr. Heather Appelbaum and Dr. Robin Bliss of the NorthShore Long Island Jewish Medical Center, with a preface written by Dr. Heather Appelbaum, who is also an Associate Professor of, Obstetrics, Gynecology and Reproductive Medicine, Hofstra University. 

“I wrote the book because I noticed that some couples will attend several counseling sessions to resolve their emotional difficulties, but never report that they are having a sexual problem. I have worked with couples who complained about their finances, children, and their in-laws, but avoided discussing the most painful part of their marriage—their lack of intimacy”, says Schonbuch.

According to Schonbuch, there is not only a lack of understanding of how common sexual dysfunction actually is, but also that it is a very common issue for young women. “It has been found that sexual dysfunction is highest among younger women, with 21 percent of women aged 18 to 29 reporting physical pain during intimacy. Twenty-seven percent report experiencing non-pleasurable relations and 16 percent reported anxiety relating to intimacy. Additionally, many couples struggle with intimacy after pregnancy, internet addictions, sexual aversion, or infertility issues, and they don’t know who to turn to for help.”

In Getting Closer, the author provides couples with a powerful roadmap that shares compassion, deep insight, and proven interventional strategies that have helped hundreds of couples to resolve issues in marital intimacy that may have been left untreated for years. The book also examines the connection between personal attachment styles and intimacy.

“I base my work on something called Attachment Theory created by Dr. John Bowlby. It describes why some couples have an easier time getting closer, while others tend to fight a lot”, explains Schonbuch. “There are three types of attachment: secure, anxious, and avoidant. Secure individuals are comfortable with affection and giving to one another. Anxious individuals tend to crave closeness but may overwhelm their spouse with their fear of not being loved. Avoidant individuals are not comfortable with closeness or intimacy, and tend to avoid talking and close contact.”

The book includes a quick attachment style questionnaire that helps readers identify their own attachment style and how this may be affecting their relationship with their spouse.

“In my book, I aim to normalize the issue of sexual dysfunction by explaining that problems in the bedroom are very common and need to be treated, since they can have a lasting impact on the quality of the marriage. For example, even if a man had PE once or twice, or a woman found relations to be painful, it can create distance between the couple who may spend years avoiding closeness or fighting about secondary issues that have nothing to do with their real problems”, says Schonbuch.

The book is divided into three sections: “Emotions, Desire, and Intimacy,” “Guide to Sexual Dysfunction” and “Finding Solutions”. Throughout its pages are detailed descriptions of dysfunctions and disorders, interweaved with real case studies of how Schonbuch helped couples through Emotionally Focused Therapy. By relaying case studies of couples dealing with sexual dysfunction in their marriage, he illustrates how through focusing on the emotions a couple is feeling when they’re quarreling, they come to realize what they’re truly feeling.

“I trained with one of the most successful marriage therapists in the world, Dr. Sue Johnson. She was the cofounder of Emotionally Focused Therapy which helps couples expand and reorganize important emotional responses, creates secure relationship bonds, increases intimacy, and shifts each spouse’s position towards positive interaction”, say Schonbuch. “During each session I help each person express what are called primary emotions such as fear of being alone, being unlovable, or not measuring up to their spouse’s expectations. I also created a highly empathetic environment where spouses turn towards one another and learn to validate what they are both experiencing.”

Schonbuch believes that individuals may feel ashamed or live in isolation when dealing with sexual dysfunction. He therefore wrote “Getting Closer” as a form of “Biblio Therapy,” where couples can read the book, reduce their discomfort on the topic, and allow them to further discuss these issues with or without a therapist.

Getting Closer is available in Jewish bookstores, amazon.com, in ebook formats and is recommended to couples, chosson and kallah teachers, therapists, and rabbis and rebbetzins, who encounter these problems frequently and now have a resource to address those difficulties effectively. For a free preview of the book, click here. This book was released only yesterday, you heard it first here!

Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, is a Marriage and Family Therapist specializes in marriage counseling for Orthodox couples. His relationship-based approach to counseling has helped hundreds of couples improve their marriages and resolve issues in marital intimacy. His new book, Getting Closer, explores various aspects of sexual dysfunction. You can view more about his work at: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com.

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An Old Poem, in Honor of Holocaust Remembrance Day (Yom HaShoah)

Authors note: this poem was written when I was 16 years old. Therefore, please do not mind the amateur vocabulary or grammar. When I was younger, I wanted to submit this to Yad Vashem but never got around to it. I never thought I would have my own blog to publish it on. Well, here it is. In loving memory to all those who passed away, including family. Please say a Psalm or do a good deed in their honor. Hashem Yinkom Damam.

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Holocaust remembrance at the JCC of Clifton NJ.

trudging through ghetto street
hollow stomach, heavy feet
words telling, ‘you have to move’
searching for a scrap of food

I can’t go home empty handed
a child of eight had already abandoned
the innocent childhood, way of life
weighed with adult burdens and strife

a blood boiling, burning sensation
the posted words bolded: Liquidation
shoving us into those cattle cars
like a criminal behind jail bars

pulling us off one-by-one
I try to scram, but my body’s numb
mother said they are Jew-haters
but some of them, were Jewish traitors

it felt like unlimited amount of time
standing like dummies in a long line
those who couldn’t bear, would simply fall
as they went through our daily roll call

after that blow, came yet another
shocking separation from baby brother
I saw few teardrops in his eye
never a chance for final goodbye

huddling like herded horses in a barn
as though it were but thread and yarn
they chopped away our strands of hair
oppressive shame hovered in the air

robbing us of something so sacred
stripping our bodies, stark naked
soap provided made of human flesh
can such a shower make one feel fresh?

numbered prison clothes for our bare backs
ordering us out, toward the train tracks
day and night my bones would warily toil
for more blood to shed on German soil

napping on wood planks with 20 neighbors
was the break for us, poor tortured laborers
lucky if you got but a stale piece of bread
those were our ‘meals’, that’s what was fed

hunted as a youngster, I frequently did hide
other girls my age–ended life with suicide
some had no strength to put up their defenses
and ended their lives, on barbed wire fences

those alive then, developed a temporary maim
of forgetting in the moment, what’s normal? what sane?
some days—were no feelings, awfully strange
yet on others, every fiber was bursting with rage

unknown to us, was decreed a cruel resolution
as we struggled for a path, out of brutal confusion
filthy hands would naturally mask the eyes on our face
desperately avoiding truth, shielding vulnerable disgrace

withering slowly with each passing season
we were fewer and fewer…for we were the reason
that the world was drowning in its pollution
thus was Hitler’s, “Final Solution”

mercilessly murdering, is his claim to fame
for his deepest desire was to proclaim: Judenrein
a nation made of souls so determined to survive
showed him the answer would not be genocide

Dr. Mangele’s wavering finger, pointed to the right or left
the infamous man was granted, to choose on life or death
I miraculously endured the unspeakable possible dangers
of being sentenced to expire in those evil gas-chambers

surmounting trauma, in each survivors brains
witnessing wind fighting with furious–fiery flames
the thickening clouds, of the blackest black smoke
inhaling and exhaling, but trying not to choke

denied of any hope left, shattered anticipation
they continued their process of mass extermination
a complete population, group raped and mutilated
the whole Jewish people enslaved, to be annihilated

to the almighty lord, some turned to with tears
praying hard that g-d, not establish their fears
mothers cried for lost babies in their wombs
other hearts were broken over the myriads of tombs

after those few elongate, but bloody murderous years
it seemed that heaven opened its previously deafened ears
by word of ear, out there…new lives have begun…?
rumors began spreading of promising…freedom?!

overwhelming flow of emotions express jubilation
we tasted our first breath of liberty and salvation
it was true, true at last! The moment has arrived!
the allied forces tore down, ‘Big Germany’s’ Pride

no SS guards over you, stationed to control
there wasn’t any swastika positioned to patrol
away went uniforms, polished and pressed in starch
gone was a way of death that formed into a march

we could now eulogize all those that perished
new lives were to begin and children to be cherished
we were really free, the pleasure could burst
we lived beyond disease, starvation and thirst

maltreatment was a wicked technique that was used
our bodies had to heal for they were physically abused
each and every one of us weighed as light as a feather
in those moments we learned, time serves as a mender

as my mouth watered, the stomach butterflies sang
a country full of citizens, with a throbbing hunger pang
unfortunately at the sight of food, some people splurged
nevertheless, healthiness had gradually surged

regrettably, so many were left with scars bodily painted
hundreds of thousands were psychologically tainted
shrunken hearts were broken, and our spirit was tattered
from young to old, we looked exhausted and haggard

constant looming shadows gaze back at my stares
all alone in the dark with unending nightmares
survival is a skill, we had to work on each day
striving to do the best, in our own unique way

dealing with everything, from mental health to nutrition
made the battle to healing, an excruciating mission
withdrawn from feelings, that were forcefully suppressed
would make any normal being, miserably depressed

yet Life from that day was about reaping fresh seeds
and awakening those dormant, childhood memories
sometimes I can’t trust that I was of the few that escaped
and for all those that died we have a day to commemorate

all the recollections of tragic days in the bitter winter’s cold
and the soldiers scornful laugh when our heads were shaved bold
each and every corpse, so impossible to “just get over”
remembering remains evaporate from the chimneys crematoria

how can anyone describe, an immeasurably deep hurt?
or the stench of incalculable persons, bodies being burnt?
the terminology of this world, cannot express infinite pain
or portray engulfing sadness as my brethren’s ashes…fell as rain

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Memorial Hand in The Garden of Meditation: “The Sculpture of Love and Anguish” at the Miami Holocaust Memorial

Photos by Rivka Bauman Photography

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My Favorite Jewish Holiday

PassoverHoliday

There’s an extremist in me. I aim for the Maimonidean golden medium for my character and temperament, but underneath it is raving Baal Teshuva. I think that’s why the old joke matching Jewish holidays to psychological disorders spoke to me. Pesach is the outlet for those who get a spiritual satisfaction of being relentlessly thorough, and Pesach takes this urge to a tangible crescendo.

The great thing about Judaism, though, is that there is an inherent balance. For every law that seems extreme or regimented, there is a delicious freedom attached. My search, then, (my avodah), is to find the balance in Passover. In some senses, the holiday has a similar payoff to those who value a throwback to the simple life before preservatives and corn syrup. The freedom is found in the minimalism; imagine a table set with fresh unseasoned fish, fresh vegetables, and simplified home with the superfluous nonsense locked away, the floors gleaming from being freshly scrubbed with lemon juice. There is a breathtaking purity in the rigidity of the Pesach restrictions, that leaves so much mental room open to processing our ancestor’s freedom.

The seder may have a strict time limit in order to get to the afikomen by midnight, but this setup lends itself to focus and intensity. During the intermediate days of Pesach, family time and festive adventures are encouraged, all while dressed slightly nicer and still sticking to the simple foods.

Last Pesach, I hosted my first sedarim and cleaned my own apartment for the first time. It was right before I got engaged to my now-husband, and thoughts were on my mind of my future as a builder of a Jewish home. A Jewish home is the most sacred place in Jewish life, and this was my first apartment with my name on the lease. It was mine, and it became Pesachdik. I hosted sedarim with friends and coworkers, making the components of the seder plate with intent and concentration. That Pesach, I became a generational link. Now that I am married and am spending the holiday with my husband’s family, I look forward to being a link among a new extended family as well as a link through time.

That is my own personal balance I make for myself. As a self-proclaimed extremist blazing ahead on my spiritual path, the human connections I have to develop ground me. Pesach is the most intense time for spiritual growth and the most intense time for family bonding. I will always remember the jarred gefilte fish, Passover dishes, my dad’s theatrical reading of the Haggadah, the frog dance of my sisters during the 10 plagues, and my mother’s matzah brei from my traditional upbringing. Now, with a new husband and new group of in-laws, I can create new memories. The interpersonal and the intrapersonal are interwoven in Jewish life, and Pesach takes this to their most elevated heights.

That is why Pesach is my favorite Jewish holiday.

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My Journey to Freedom

It started five years ago, when I married my now ex-husband. Well, that’s when it officially started. But you see, it never just starts with a bad marriage. There is usually a history leading up to that poor decision. In my case, I had been abused previously. True, it was a different kind of abuse. But essentially, it’s all the same. It has the same devastating effects and takes the same sort of energy to shake out of your system.

It started when I was 7 years old. Thankfully, it’s over. But the journey has not yet ended. I am in a healthier place now than I have ever been in, but there is always work to be done.

Sparing you the horrific details, I was sexually abused for many years as a young child. I then went on to marry an abusive man. He put me down, shamed me, beat me, raped me and ultimately, succeeded in making me feel worthless and like I was nothing more than an empty shell. He did a ‘fine’ job of finishing off my rapist’s mission.

Throughout my years, I subconsciously took over the role of my abusers in treating myself like I do not have a voice, and doubting the small little voice that would attempt to speak up every now and then.

Now that small little voice has gotten stronger and louder and more assertive. But every so often, the condescending voices of my abusers pipe up and try to dissuade me from pursuing my dreams. But now, it is their voices that are hushed and quiet, the muttering that I am now able to ignore and prove wrong.

Because I am strong. Stronger than the weak men who needed to put me down in order to build themselves up. Stronger than the naysayers who thought I could never break free. Stronger than myself, because every day I am getting stronger than I was yesterday.

Here are some of the ways that I was able to nurture and bring forth my inner strength. For those of you who have battled with similar struggles, I hope this can help you break free too.

♥ Live your life for you! You are the most important person in your world. Your own mental health should be top priority. What everyone else thinks is just background noise. Ultimately, they are not living with your decisions – you are. This does not mean to totally disregard wisdom and advice from those wiser and more experienced than ourselves, but rather, to take it into consideration when you look at the grander picture that only you have access to. Remember: you can never please everyone.

♥ There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish. If something or someone makes you feel bad or gives you negative vibes, remove them from your life. You do not have to care for the world. You have to care for you. Take time to do the things that make you happy, that give you positive energy, and only surround yourself with those who do that for you.

♥ Set boundaries  Very clear and strong boundaries  When interacting with you, other’s should know what you will put up with. And the only way for them to know what your boundaries are, is if you tell them. Be firm. Be your own advocate.

♥ Independence. For every individual, this can mean something else. For some, it may mean getting a job and paying their own bills. For others, it can be taking college courses. And yet for others, it can be as simple as going pottery painting in the evening after the kids are asleep. Whatever it takes for you to feel like your own person, do it.

♥ Which brings me to my final point: Date yourself. This one may be more difficult for the extroverts out there, but it may prove to be even more beneficial. It entails doing exactly what it sounds like. Take the time out to be alone and do what you enjoy doing. Allow yourself the quiet and solitude to think deeply. Let your mind wander. Get to know yourself. Keep a journal of the thoughts you have. You would be surprised at how much you discover about yourself. It can only lead to good things.

Now as Pesach approaches, I am aware that I was bound by shackles of abuse, similar to that of the slaves in Egypt. But I, like them, am no longer a victim, rather I am a survivor.

Freedom

I survived the deepest hell and came out stronger. Like the Torah tells us, the slavery in Egypt was compared to an iron furnace. It refined us to be able to receive the Torah. One of my favorite expressions sums this up perfectly “Stars can’t shine without darkness.” I am a shining star, as is each and everyone one of us. We all have struggles and those struggles shape us to be better, stronger and kinder people.

Let us use this upcoming holiday to reflect within and find our deepest strengths.
Wishing you all a happy, healthy, Kosher and liberating Pesach!

Photograph by Rivka Bauman Photography

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Dear Pesach,

By Becky Brownstein

I’m a humor writer. I like to view regular everyday life situations in a humorous way. Then I take that situation and turn it into a story in my head. When I find the time, I take that situation and write it out as best as I can. I guess you can say that’s my way of coping. Hey, everyone has a right to their own coping mechanism. Mine is just a little less serious at times. That is until I turn the page in the calendar and see, staring right back at me, those 8 different colored calendar squares, signifying the impending doom, I mean holiday of Pesach.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t be so negative. It’s a beautiful holiday shared with family and friends and it is so nice once it gets here. But that’s the problem. The problem is the time until it gets here. There is so much anxiety and pressure associated with Pesach, that as soon as I start seeing the first signs of the kosher for Pesach Matzoh Meal on the shelf of my local grocery store, I start to have a mini panic attack. But of course my way of coping with that is to say “Nah, they’re just really early. No one is going to be buying that stuff now.” Which brings me to my next way of coping with life situations – denial.

Denial is great! I get through the day without a worry, until I realize denial is a terrible, horrible thing and stay up really late folding all the laundry I pretended I didn’t care about all day. Pesach is kind of the same. I can push it off only so long until I buckle down and say, “Okay Pesach, you got me. I feel that we have a strained relationship. On the one hand, we get along so well when you finally get here, and I can celebrate you and be happy with you. On the other hand, the preparation for your arrival causes me a lot of stress and aggravation. I’ll be honest with you and tell you that some people go through extreme anxiety and full blown panic attacks when they realize how soon you will be visiting them. Some people don’t even want you to visit them in their own homes and pack themselves up and go to family or friends. So take it easy, Pesach. I won’t deny you anymore, but you have to take it easy on me. Thanks!” And then I get on started cleaning.

*Small Tangent* I am terrible at math. Like, embarrassing-ly terrible (but I am really good at making up my own words). Surprisingly, it was in my 11th grade math class that I learned one of the best life lessons ever. My teacher said that her mother taught her that when times get tough, to just chip away at it. I remember thinking, “huh, that’s kind of genius”. Now as a mother who is in charge of the overall upkeep of this joint, I still hear that advice and have even taught it to my kids. My motto has become, “start in one area and work your way around.” *Tangent Over*

I have been making Pesach for many years now. Ten, to be kind of exact (can I have my medal now please?). I guess I became kind of a pro at list making, job delegating and when to start cleaning, that I have been able to keep the major panic attacks at bay. No, I am not just tooting my own horn. And no, it’s not because my husband is a psychologist (like how I threw that in there, honey?). I have actually started to view Pesach more in a, chip-away-at-it, kind of way and I am able to stay semi-stress free.

My first symptom of Pesach related stress had always been that overwhelming feeling of how many things I actually had to do. My second most stressful thought was, how am I able to do all those Pesach related jobs and also somehow take care of my children? I mean, they actually expect dinner, clean clothes and a semi sane and loving Mommy (so demanding!).  I won’t even get into varicose vein issues, back pain and overall exhaustion. And those years I was pregnant or breast feeding….. (breathe Becky, breeeeathe). I’m sure you get what I’m talking about. So, how do I manage you ask? I make lists. Yeah, Yeah, I know. Everyone makes lists. But seriously folks, THEY WORK!

Lists-Passover

All that jumbled mess in my head that had to somehow come into fruition made me insane. When I would write it all out on a paper and actually see what it was I had to do, it kind of gave me a sense of being okay and under control. Now, I tape up papers on the walls or write with a dry erase marker on the fridge, of all the things that I have to do and then make checks when they are finished. Checks totally sucked when I was in school. It meant that I made a mistake. Now, checks give me this amazing rush and feeling of accomplishment. I can make a check, breath in through my nose and out through my mouth and move on. IT’S AMAZING FOLKS! AMAZING!

*Small Tangent* My husband and I have an agreement when it comes to before-yom-tov gifts. I go out and do something nice for myself and then I later tell him it was from him. Win Win! *Tangent over*

Another trick I learned through the years, was to set a goal. Yeah, the seder would be a good one, but I needed my kitchen done before the seder or there wouldn’t be a Shulchan Aruch. This year, I started a new trend. I write on the calendar which day I would like to have a mani pedi and work my way backwards. So I get a before Yom Tov gift (since I hardly treat myself, I mean get treated, to a mani pedi, it’s something I look forward to) and I also have a deadline for myself. There are some years where I would miss my fake deadline (just picking any day of the week to get finished wasn’t really too threatening to me, aka Mr. Denial again. Hence the reasoning behind the mani pedi). So I had to crunch and lose my cool a little bit, which is okay. It’s okay to get overwhelmed, it’s just how overwhelmed you get that becomes kind of an issue.

So, no, there aren’t many funny things about getting ready for Pesach. There are hardly any funny things about shopping for Pesach. There aren’t that many things funny about lining an entire kitchen (unless someone unfamiliar with Pesach Minhagim walks in and sees your kitchen spaceship. Because that’s really funny). We all get through it somehow. Some of us even really enjoy it. Make the best of it and don’t forget to chip away at it! You will get there!!

I hope you all have a very happy Pesach that is filled with love and happiness and not full of the opposites of those.

Photo credit: Entelo

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Woman-Friendly Haggada

The Haggada you choose will make or break your Pesach Seder. A poor translation, or a book with no commentaries, will leave you with a missed opportunity. Many women go through a meal devoid of the female take on our history and heritage. The text of the Haggada has very little to say about women, except for the fact that we are still obligated in joining, since we too were saved.

The Haggada I grew up with was The Family Haggada, which was adequate. It had clear instructions, good translation, but aside for that, it is not the one for me. Aside from not being Chabad (which obviously is not an issue for everyone), the commentaries are lacking. If there is a lull in the meal, you have no great reading to turn to. If someone asks a meaningful question, you have no book to rely on. It is not an expensive purchase if you need multiple, at around $3 a piece, but not the one I’ll be using this year. Again, as the average Haggada goes, it’s all about the guys.

TheFamilyHaggadah

When I was in Hevron, I picked up the most beautiful Haggada I had ever laid eyes on. The Katz Passover Haggada illustrated by Gadi Pollack, is one that you will not regret buying. On every page is a detailed and intricate depiction of life in Egypt. It is not for young children, due to some of the sad and violent pictures. Sometimes we forget the horrors of the life of a Jew during our slavery, with this book, we are reminded. Sometimes we forget the brutality and terror of the plagues, but this book is not afraid to illustrate the might with which they were punished.

KatzPassoverHagaddah

One picture stuck into my mind, such a sad picture, but so telling. It is an image of a woman crying out to Hashem, after the loss of her child. The commentary says, “As a woman named Rachel and her husband were mixing mortar, she gave birth to a child. The infant fell […] The woman’s anguished screams pierced the heavens […] On that night (one year later) Hashem destroyed all the firstborn of Egypt” (Chait 107). This was the first time I had heard about the plight of a Jewish woman in Egypt. The first time hearing about the strength of our prayers. The first time I saw such loss on a woman’s face. This was also the first time that I really knew that our cries are heard.

This is only one of one hundred pages. Every page has another wonder, from slavery to the crossing of the sea. Artwork has a power that words cannot always capture.

The book that I will be using this year is The Slager Edition of the Haggada. With clear instructions, great translations, and very clear font, I have enjoyed reading from this book for the last three years. It is laid out like the Gutnick Chumash, with basic questions as well as deeper chassidic teachings explaining the entirety of the evening.

SlagerEditionHaggadah

There are a few things that I found to be very meaningful as a woman reading at the seder. During the time of our slavery, women were oppressed worse than the men in many ways. According to the Arizal, women were kept from Mikva by the police (Miller 84), the women were exposed to such a spiritual “annihilation” that it was worse than the boys’ drowning (87)!

Even the more basic explanations are inspiring. Why do we keep the smaller piece of the middle Matza on the table? To remind us that if we can only see the “small piece of Matza” in our life, we should know that there is a bigger piece of the puzzle that Hashem is waiting to give us (8).

One of the most ignored themes of the Haggada is loss, the loss specifically interconnected with being in Galus. Each of us has experienced our form of loss, be it a financial loss, loss of innocence, or loss of a loved one. We only have the small piece of our “Matza” in life, we all feel a piece missing, but with a strong cry that will break the doors of heaven, we can bring the peace and joy that Hashem brought us during the Exodus of Egypt.

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